Every day when I wake up, I check Instagram. Then I look at Twitter to see what the One Directioners are talking about. I check Facebook to see how everybody from high school's doing. I go on Reddit to see what my weirdos are talking about. Then I go on Tumblr to see what my feminists are talking about.
But there's something missing in all this new new media craziness, and that is something that uses celebrity news as a way to obtain into a really serious analysis of our culture. The Kardashians are walking clickbait—but let's look closer. Do Kim and Kanye impact how society feels about interracial relationships and blended families? What does our obsession with Jennifer Lawrence say about third-wave feminism? Start with a headline that's superjuicy; a flashy, sexy picture. And then, after the first couple of lines, hit them with some really severe analysis. When they think they're getting dirt, we give them vegetables. Which is kind of what The Daily Show does already.
The world is ready for a more sophisticated TMZ. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that any dummy with a half-decent idea can become a billionaire. And hell, I've always wanted to become a media mogul. So allow me to introduce JMZ!
Thankfully I already have a mogul I can pattern myself after: Oprah. We're a lot alike. I'm Black, I love to relate matters individuals talk about to myself, and individuals think my best friend and I are lesbians! My strength is that I'm more relatable. Maybe I'm missing a shirt button, perhaps I have a food stain on my pants. People would grow to find that endearing. (Take that, Mom! I don't need to “clean myself up” to keep a job!)